Deal or No Deal: My millions are within reach...
I have never been the type of person that enjoyed game shows. The price never seemed right to me, the wheel never seemed to spin fast enough to make a fortune, and the theme songs always seemed to put my thoughts in jeopardy. So I surprised myself when the latest addition to my “List of Things To Do Before I Die” was to become a contestant on Deal or No Deal. Maybe the glare of the spotlights bouncing off of Howie’s head interfered with my rational thinking skills, but I’m pretty sure that I would rock this show.
There is no wheel-spinning, vowel-picking, or price-guessing involved, and yet there is still the potential of walking away with $1,000,000. In fact, there is no skill involved whatsoever. No trivia questions and no crazy tasks to complete before the clock runs out.
All that stands between me and my riches is that bastard of a banker. The $1,000,000 suitcase still in play and you offer me $200,000? Are you high? There is no offer that he could make me to which I would respond with anything but a quick NO DEAL!!! Because, obviously, I know that my suitcase of choice would be holding the $1,000,000. And if he doesn’t have faith in me, then he deserves to have his millions be taken home by a person of stronger faith: me.
Now all I have to do is decide on my Deal or No Deal persona. I need to figure out what my story will be and what stereotype I will fulfill (I already downloaded the application and this is clearly a requirement). Will I be the student who is the first in the family to go to school, all the while paying for it with my eagerly-saved babysitting money? Or maybe the recent divorcee, ever so innocent and looking to build a new life free of her controlling and angry ex? Or I could always go with the ever-popular disease-survivor looking to win money for my new life and charity of choice. The possibilities are endless.
Once I have chosen my new character, I will need a few volunteers to fill my “cheering section” at the front of the audience and reinforce all elements of my stereotype. I’m currently accepting applications for these roles, and I think I have room for about five of you lucky applicants. The following are qualities that I believe are vital to your success as one of my cheerers:
- ability to cry on command
- in good enough physical condition to jump up and down and shriek for the better part of an hour (please don’t apply if you are pregnant, epileptic, or have back problems)
- can convincingly perpetuate my persona to the crowd, Howie, and the ever-so-elusive banker
If you believe that you meet all of these requirements, please apply immediately. Lets make this happen people! My no-talent-required millions are waiting.
That's pretty much all it takes to get on "reality" television and game shows these days. As long as you have a persona that fits well on TV, it doesn't really matter if it's true or not. Not only does having a so-called "character" make TV all the more phony, but I think it's infiltrating society as well.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your blog, I thought your voice was evident and relatable. I particularly enjoyed your language is the first few sentences and thought the way your wrote about other game shows made me want to read more. "The price never seemed right to me", etc...was clever. I do agree with your take on the show, while I dont think its the most intertaining show on tv, I certainly would love to be on it. As you said, who wouldnt want a shot at a million bucks without having to perform like a circus animal.
ReplyDeleteI also thought your twist about how you planned on getting on it and what potential role you would play was interesting, rather than simply talking about the show. Well done.